Writing - Opening my present

Today we wrote about opening a gift. We brainstormed lots of strong adjectives and verbs that we could use.
WALT
... use strong adjectives and verbs
... write a snapshot in time
... plan using a web or bubble map
... proof read and edit our work
... share our work with a friend or class

When I got to open my Christmas present I opened it up gently. I felt it first. I stared at the Christmas wrapping and the curling ribbons. I heard a rattling sound underneath the Christmas wrapping. The paper crackled as I opened it.
Samantha Year 3

It was something I had always wanted. It was in a plain bag. I felt it and it was very smooth. I pulled it out. It was a grey laptop. I jumped around with glee. My Dad plugged it in and I played until I had to get off. I was really sad to leave the best present ever!
Jake Year 3

It was my birthday. Yae! I ran to the living room, looking forward to opening my presents. That's when I screamed, and "Twenty presents just for me!" One of then looked particularly good though. I went towards it, staring at it as if it were an alien intruder. I shook it and shook it again, trying to work out what it was. The shinning golden glimmering paper shone in the sunlight. As slow as a turtle, I carefully opened the paper.
Maia Year 4

The present was heavy and hard to squeeze. I shook it with excitement. The warapping was colourful. I shook it and squeezed until I could find out what it was. It felt like a game to me and then I finally unwrapped it.
Nadia Year 3

It was Christmas morning. I woke up early. I crept into the lounge. It was silent. I tiptoed over to the tree. Suddenly the door burst open and my two brothers rushed in. We got into a fight about who was going to open their presents first. My present was ... rectangular, hard, curious, rattly, had a bow and was clattery. Finally it was my turn to open my presents. I got a giant remote-control car!
Nic Year 3

My present rustled. My heart beat faster. I tore and tore at the wrapping paper. It seemed like ages waiting for the surprise present to open. It opened to reveal a book of 'Folk and Fairy Tales'. I gasped in surprise. Excitement filled my lungs.
St Claire Year 4

The gold wrapping paper sparkled as I ripped it open. A huge silver bow was just one of the many obstacles keeping me from uncovering the treasure. Excitement filled me like a Sunday's bacon and egg treat. I stared hard at the huge cardboard box I had unwrapped.
Courtney Year 4

My eyes opened. I rushed to the living room. When I was the Christmas tree my heart skipped a beat. There were piles of presents all around the Christmas tree. I ran through to Mum's room and woke them both up. I was really, really excited.
Ngaio Year 3